Many of you know that we were hoping that escrow on our house would close on Friday, the 21st.  It didn’t, of course.  I still don’t know what caused the delay, or why it was insisted upon that we rush to sign the Brazilian Rainforest-sized stack of papers just so we could wait almost a week for things to close, but ultimately, the house closed on Wednesday…just before Thanksgiving.  Happily, Kim decided to buy paint on the off-chance that we would close Wednesday, so we had a lot of paint.  Our door shopping was less-than-fruitful, but we went to Home Depot on Wednesday night and bought a door, which we planned to install on Friday.

Thanksgiving was Thanksgiving.  A little quieter this year, which was nice, since the storm approaches with house-preparing, and little Iain coming.

Friday was a tremendous pain in my sizeable butt.  MANY thanks to the people from church who came to help out.  We can’t thank you enough for all the help painting!!!!  And uber-thanks to Gabe, who fumed with me at the stupid door we finally got up by the end of the stinkin’ day.  Also for helping me figure out how to install the toilet-flushing mechanics in the front bathroom.

Saturday was much the same as Friday, with the painting.  The difference was that instead of farting around with a stupid door, we were attempting to repair what has come to be known as “Satan’s Toilet”. Seriously, I cannot believe how much of a pain this stupid toilet was to repair.  Here is a list of what had to be done, and what went wrong:

1. To begin, we knew we needed to replace the wax ring at the base of the toilet.  “No problem”, we were told. “Just buy a nice wax ring with a cone in it, and everything will be fine.”  So we started to take the stupid toilet apart Friday night.  Right bolt of the tank came off just fine.  Left bolt…….not so much.  It was rusted completely immovable. We were already seeing how this toilet was going to behave, so we got dinner and watched The Illusionist to close out the night on a good note.
2. We ended up trying a bunch of different ways to get the stupid toilet bolt undone, and ended up using a grinding drill attachment that we used to finagle the stupid door the day before to actually grind THROUGH the stupid nut.  Yay.  Tank came off.  Now for the wax ring.
3. The wax ring was completely obliterated, along with the mounting collar thing.  We couldn’t even see how the heck the thing was ever attached.  Finding the right collar was about 5-6 trips to the stupid hardware store, where we were sold a collar that was too small, an insert that was too high to set the toilet down, and told that we needed to drill holes in the concrete floor despite there not being any  from the last time.
4. We finally got a mounting ring that would work, and got the toilet put together.
5. We dubbed the toilet Satan’s Toilet, and it took us nearly all day to get the stupid thing done.

We got most of the painting done, got the door mostly up and functioning, and now have two working toilets.

Black Widow death toll: 3

Swearing in front of a member of our church: 1

Sanity Lost: 2 (Gabe and Me)

Still, we got a lot of work done, and all the fussing and arguing with inanimate objects made Kim very happy with me.  Also, I know how to put up a door now…the next one will be much easier.  And toilets hold no mystery for me any longer.

What will he look like?  Will he like what I like?  Will I be able to communicate with him effectively? Will he love us?

The considerations of Faster-Than-Light travel with all its relativity paradoxes and theoretical proofs pale in comparison to the day-to-day worries such as, “How am I going to get the washer, dryer, and refrigerator to the new house this weekend when I may not own the house yet?”  I have my own causality violations to deal with.

There is no accounting for Daniel’s taste in movies.

Movement seems to me to be physically impossible.  To cross from point A to point B, you must cross an infinite number of points in a finite period of time. This is why I have a sedentary career. Why fool with physics?

The satisfaction of one’s life is measured in small chunks of contentment. Reaching for the seemingly unattainable is a good way to get places, but if you’re never satisfied with the small things, you will arrive at the end of your life having felt like you have gone nowhere.

I wonder if my inability to retain information about cars and how they work is really a defense mechanism. I don’t bother trying to understand that stuff because I actually would be completely unable to do so. It’s possible, I suppose.  I hope that’s not true of why I am unable to do handiman repairs, as I’ve got a boatload of those coming up soon.

When I was a child, I behaved as a child.  Now that I am a man…I wish I could behave like a child again.

One of my co-workers has been trying like heck to find out some information about our account from AT&T.  Many of you cringed just hearing those three letters, knowing that AT&T’s service is famed for being BAD.  Well, this co-worker has called at least twice and left messages asking to be called back with some information.  Today, they called me back.

…and put me on hold for 15 minutes.

Actually, it’s worse than that.  We were trying to find out how much time was left on our contract for our T1 line.  That’s all.  I’m not saying we’re going to switch to another provider, though I know that’s the immediate reaction.  However, if I’m thinking about switching, PROVIDING ME WITH CRAPPY CUSTOMER SERVICE IS NOT THE WAY TO KEEP ME AS A CUSTOMER!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first call I got this morning already annoyed me:

AT&T: “Hello sir, I received a message indicating that you were wanting to make some changes to your service?”
Me: “No, I actually just wanted to know how much time we have left on our contract.”
AT&T: “Well, would you like to change your plan, or add some services to your account?”
Me: “No, I actually just wanted to know how much time we have left on our contract.”
AT&T: “Ohhhh.  Well, I will have someone call you back with that information, ok?

So I get the call back about 25 minutes ago.

AT&T: “Hey Chris, how you doin’?” (Cue the annoyance…Pretty sure whoever he is, this guy is not one of my best buds.)
Me: “Hi.”
AT&T: “Hey man, this is <whoever>, and I got a note that you want to renew your contract?”
Me: (More than slightly annoyed, because this is pretty much the opposite of what I want to do.) “No….I want to see how much time we’ve got on our contract.”
AT&T: “OH!  Ok.  Hang on a sec and let me get that information for you….”

And this is where I waited on hold for around 15 minutes.  That’s right…it’s not enough that you call them and wait on hold forever.  Now they might return your call (indicating that they have all their crap together to handle your situation), and make you wait on hold just as if you’d called them!!!

Finally, I get a lady conferenced in to answer my (very simple) question.  But this is how she chooses to answer it:

AT&T chick: “Hello, this is <whoever, female variety>.”
AT&T Best Bud: “Hey, <whoever, female variety>, I got Chris here on the phone.  Chris, this is <whoever, female variety>.”
Me: “Hi.”
AT&T chick: “Hi, Chris.  Is there anything I can do for you?”  (Nope, pretty sure I’m just here for the wonderful on-hold experience.)
Me: “Yeah…I wanted to know how much time we have on our contract.”
AT&T Chick: “Is there anything we can change on your account, or a different service we can add that would make your service fit you better?”  (Now I’m getting really annoyed, because I feel like we have no contract, and they’re trying like heck to not lose us.  I’m not saying they’re going to lose me as a customer, but the likelihood of THAT happening is growing by the SECOND!)
Me: “Nope.  Just want to know how much time we have on our contract.”
AT&T Chick: “You’ve got contract until April of ‘09.”

(And now I’m definitely angry, because there is nothing I can do to leave them without paying a LOT of money, so they have me by the short hairs.  Their dilly-ing and dally-ing has merely wasted my time, and there is nothing I can do until April of 2009.  Way to go, AT&T.  The T’s in AT&T stand for ‘Tard’.)

Part of it is that this whole “economy plus Obama” thing has gotten me down.  I hear some encouraging things from his fledgling administration about how we’re no longer going to be torturing detainees, and that he’s wanting to shut down Guantanamo Bay (though I’m not sure entirely how I feel about that.)  I like that his focus is going to be peace through diplomacy, rather than military action against anyone who feels that they want to govern their country without our “guidance”.

Obama, however, wants to raise taxes, and this is not a good thing.  He claims that he doesn’t want to raise taxes for the middle class, but he’s been slowly eating away at his initial “$250,000 a year” figure throughout his campaign.  Last I heard, it was at $150,000/year and dropping.  Ultimately, he doesn’t appear to want anyone to be TOO successful.  Because success is apparently ALWAYS gained by exploitation.  Regardless, when we create a society where we punish success and reward apathy, we create a society where mediocrity is king, and no one will strive for the highest.

That kind of thing worries me.  I know a lot of people think that Obama’s Newer New Deal is just what we need to pull us out of this economy, and I don’t agree.  A lot of people say “Roosevelt got us out of the first Depression, and now Obama will get us out of this one.”  I REALLY don’t agree.  It’s going to be painful, but the free market will swing up again.  It would have swung up again in the 30’s, and it will swing up again now.

Anyway, I originally wanted this to be an apology for not updating, but it’s turned into another rant.  :)  Looks like I had something to say after all.

However, in the process, I’ve been informed several times that if I held the title of the home in thus and such certain way, or if I filed this paperwork in this certain way, etc. that it would make things easier in the event that my wife and I divorce. When I inform those advising me, “no thank you.  That won’t happen.”  *I* am greeted with incredulity.  I’ve been told, “well, you never know”, and other such statements.

I’m sure this blog post will annoy some, but I’d like to state that I will not take it down.  If you have a problem, complain somewhere else.

No, people, I *DO* know.  Kim is the only woman for me, and there will be no divorce.  That’s how I’m going to live my life, and that’s how I’m going to plan.

“Yeah, but, what if…”

No, there are no “what if’s” when it comes to your marriage.  If there are what if’s, then you’d be better off not getting married.  If you’re not going to commit your entire being to the marriage, then you shouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t work out!

What’s more, I look around at the world, and I see more and more people who are more and more enamored with…themselves.  They are more interested in gratifying their own lusts than they are in creating a healthy marriage.  That isn’t my point, however.

My point is that creating contingencies assumes that divorce is always an option if things get rough.  In my case, divorce is NOT an option, and I’m not going to create situations that will make a divorce easier on us if we fail.  Divorces ought to be long and messy.  Divorces OUGHT to be painful.  A divorce, though the Lord is sovereign, is always hated by God.  (Read Malachi, if you don’t believe me.) The pain and difficulty of going through a divorce when contingencies are NOT in place act as deterrents to the divorce itself.  (As though the health and well-being of children weren’t enough.)

Now, I’m not talking about a woman staying in an abusive relationship.  I’m not talking about a man having to put up with his wife’s infidelities.  There are allowable instances for divorce, though working things out and returning to building a healthy marriage is always preferable.

In the case of abusive husbands, there is a case for abandonment.  The husband is to love his wife like Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.  That involves protecting her, being tender, etc.  If there is physical or emotional abuse, see the governing board of elders of your church.  They can walk you through the godly course of action in this situation.  They’ll likely recommend many meetings with the two of you, etc, but in no case do you have to stay in a marriage where you’re being abused.  HOWEVER…that doesn’t mean divorce should be painless.

Divorce ought to have the same feel to it as murder, to be honest. When you get married, the two have become one flesh.  It cannot be separated.  If your right half were to be separated from your left half, there would be pain, and there would be death involved.  That is what divorce is, to be honest.

But divorce no longer has that kind of stigma associated with it.  No one seems to care much about their attempts to destroy the God-ordained order of things.  The divorce rate among Christians is at least the same as with non-Christians, and I’ve even heard that it’s higher.  That is (or ought to be) unacceptable to the Church.

I know, I know, I’m not being politically-correct. I just don’t understand your particular situation.  No, I don’t.  But it doesn’t matter.  The Bible allows for 2 situations in which divorce is possible: Adultery, and abandonment.  In both of those cases, it would be better if you could work through it and come out stronger as a couple.  But not everyone can, I know.  However, in both of those cases, divorce ought to be a cause for bitter weeping.

On a personal level, I’m not creating contingencies for Kim and I.  We are not going to live in such a way that will make things easier for us if things “don’t work out”.

I don’t think the world will come to an end with Obama in the White House.  Apart from stupid, worthless comments like “Obama is going to change the White House into the Black House”, Obama’s presidency is going to be filled with a great deal of what other presidencies have been filled with:  Striving with the checks and balances in place to get things done.

Obama will not accomplish everything he wants to accomplish.  The world rarely sits still long enough for a president to work on every domestic policy he promised to the American people. Obama’s first term will not be the best for America, no.  But I do think there are some good things that could come of this.

For one, the Republicans might want to look around and see what their pseudo-conservative movement has gotten them over the last 8 years.  Bush gained a lot of power for the government, and the office of President of the United States in particular, and now a member of the opposition party is in power.  Smooth move, Ex-Lax.  Republicans lost this race by forgetting their conservative roots.  However, even if the GOP continues to try to out-Socialist the Democrats, there could still be some good.

If the Republicans stop being conservative, they will outlive their usefulness, and could possibly begin fading away from the political scene.  This will set the stage for a 3rd party to gain some power, and I truly think this is where positive change will come from in America.

With Barack Obama as President, we might actually stand a chance in getting out of Iraq, and getting back to rebuilding our nation.  Granted, with Obama taxing the rich as much as possible, that rebuilding will slow to a crawl, but if he angers enough people, he won’t be back for a second term.

I won’t change anyone’s mind, I know.  I’ve heard the rants about Obama being the antichrist. I’ve heard about him not being a U.S. citizen.  I’ve heard about Obama and his plan to destroy America.  It’s not going to happen, people.  And we won’t likely be able to prove this for sure, because I don’t think McCain will be a viable candidate for president in 4 years, but a McCain presidency carried its own serious dangers.

During Bush’s tenure, he moved us closer to the government having supreme power over all.  He gained more power for the Executive Branch than nearly any other president in the last few decades.  He was NOT good for America.  And while McCain rejected some of these policies, he affirmed others, such as his position on the unnecessary wars, his position on the Patriot Act, and his position on these stupid bailouts.  People, McCain was not the savior, as Obama was not the antichrist.

When Obama fades from the political scene without having brought about Armageddon, however, you zealots for the cause will not remember how terrified you were when he was elected.  You’ll be too preoccupied with the current Big Thing, and you’ll pooh pooh the doom you foretold.  And on it goes….

Please pray that the Lord would heal his illness and strengthen him.  Thanx.

For the record, that picture next to the Gabetopia sign is of a co-worker, who died 2 years ago today.  His gesture in that picture is indicative of his attitude toward a lot of things, but he was a great guy, and we still miss him.

Embrace Gabetopia!

edit: Immediately after posting this, I noticed a spelling error on the sign.  The editorial staff of Gabetopia has been sacked.  Order has been restored.  The sign has been fixed.

On Friday afternoon, we got an e-mail from my real estate agent indicating that they claimed to have signed the contract, which means our escrow process had started.  On the other hand, the agent indicated that she had not yet received the contract with both signatures on it, which I needed to start my loan process. The e-mail I saw looked like the listing agent had merely forgotten to attach the signed contract to it.  I’ve only done that about a million times.

So this weekend was filled with some half-congratulations, and reserved exclamations of joy.  Still, I enjoyed a great deal of it.  My Great Aunt died last week, though, and she was full-on Catholic.  So Saturday, Kim and I went to the Vigil, whereat we had to endure the saying of the full Rosary.  I can’t remember the last time I sat through the Rosary, but I’m sure it seemed like a LOT longer then.  I also got to drive a golf cart for the first time on Saturday.  I quite enjoyed that.

Monday, however, it all appeared to hit the fan.  At about 10am, I got the signed contract from my real estate agent.  I called my wife to get any information she may need, and got my ducks in a row to call my realtor at lunchtime, since I was at work.  I confirmed my final home inspection for Wednesday with my real estate agent, found out that the pest inspection was scheduled for 1pm on Friday, and just generally wondered how this process would affect my sanity!

I called my loan, got the loan started, found out that the home is appraised for $60,000 more than we’re paying for it, got an estimate on taxes and home insurance, etc. and just generally did all kinds of worrying about the process until my end of things was done.  Now we just wait on the processor from my mortgage company to call me and let me know they’re on it.  Also waiting on some sort of packet of information that my mortgage company will send me to initial and send back, etc.

What I took away from the process in terms of good news are thusly:

• My lender says the November 24th closing will be no problem in the least, which helps to alleviate one of my concerns. Namely, that my lender would be a pill, and cause me to have to extend the escrow closing date, which would cost me $50 a day.  Not good.  The lender says everything is fine, and these people are also my bank and my auto/renters insurance company, and they’ve given me every reason in the past to trust them/
• My home and land have appraised at $60,000 more than I’m paying for them.  This is great all around, really, since it makes me and my lender both very comfortable about what we’re getting for the money. It’s really an instant $60,000 worth of equity in the home.  Very good. (Also, the appraisal we had done cost me $10 instead of $325.  I like saving money.)
• The seller isn’t dragging their feet with the parts of the escrow process for which they are responsible. The seller appears to be as eager to sell this house as I am to buy it.  The only question in my mind is what we’ll find when we do the home inspection on Wednesday, but that still gives us enough time to walk if the required repairs are just too darn huge.

There is still plenty to go wrong in the process, of course.  It’s not going to be all smooth sailing, I’m sure.  However, we’ve done a great deal of planning in the purchase of this home, and the smoothness of this process thus far is a testament to planning as much as possible.  Making good financial decisions for the future is far more important than catching a good deal, but I’m pretty darn comfortable with what we’ve gotten with this house.

I’ll keep you all posted with all that is going on, though.  I confess I didn’t know anything about the process before I started, but I’ve been able to keep up with everything I’m signing, and everything that has happened so far.  I’m sure those involved in this process with me are getting sick of my questions, but I need to know what is happening in order to feel comfortable with this process.  If I can help someone else understand what all happens in the escrow process, then I’m happy.  :)

Buying a house is quite the ordeal, let me tell you. From offers, to counter-offers, to addendums, to everything else involved, it’s an ordeal. And it’s clear the Lord has given us the capacity to make plans, but it’s a dichotomy of existence.

On the one hand, the Lord has given us brains.  We have the capacity, most of us, of rational thought. Something that has historically been a virtue is Christian Prudence.  The Lord has granted us the ability to judge between the better of two alternatives, and in cases where there is no direct command in Scripture from the Lord, we are to use that rational thought to judge the better course of action.  In other words, we are to make plans.  We’re to labor industriously to provide for ourselves and our families. This kind of thought is very practical, and historically, the Church has always taught this.

However, the dichotomy comes about when we consider the sovereignty of the Lord. You see, when we get in the mindset of planning, we want to make sure that everything goes according to our plans, and to the best of our abilities, we ought to do that.  At the end of the day, however, when all has been done that can be done, we need to be able to lift it up to the Lord and say “Lord, this is all in your hands.  Even my abilities are in Your hands.  It’s been in Your hands from the beginning of time, and it is in Your hands now.”  And leave it at that.  That is a dichotomy that is hard to live.

For the last month and a half or so, we’ve been looking for a house. At this phase, I don’t have a command from Scripture to tell me which house to buy.  Sure, I’ve got guidelines from various areas of Scripture about being a good steward of my finances, about my responsibility as the man of the house to ensure I can provide for and protect my family.  But I don’t have a verse that says, “Yea, when thou purchasest a house, buyest thou a house on 345 N. Second Ave.” And the whole “What Would Jesus Do” movement doesn’t offer anything in the way of real guidance. In these cases, Christian Prudence is the order of the day.  I know there are those who sit in prayer at the doorway of every house they’re considering and ask for the Spirit to move them to purchase the right house.  I don’t see any support for this in Scripture, and it reminds me of a joke:

A man was in his home, which sat on a small hill.  He loved his house, and when the storm came, stayed, and started to flood the town, he prayed that the Lord would save him. He had such a peace in his heart that the Lord would, indeed, save him that when a boat came by in one of the washes near his house and called for him to grab his essentials and get in, the man said, “the Lord will save me.” The boat continued on its way; the driver had others to help.

A couple hours later, the man was hanging out the window of the second floor of his home; the first being primarily under water, when another boat came by urging him to the same action as the first.  The man simply replied, “no, the Lord will save me.”  The boat left.

A couple hours after that, the man was on the roof of his house, clinging to the weather vane when a helicopter flew by, dropped him a rope, and waited for him to climb on. The man shouted out, sure in his faith, “NO!!!  The Lord will save me!!”

The man drowned, and his house was washed away.

When he got to heaven, he demanded of the Lord…

“Why did you not save me??  I had faith!  I had a surety in my heart that you WOULD save me!  I waited, and waited, and you didn’t!  WHY????”

The Lord, gently but firmly said, “I sent you two boats and a helicopter!”

I don’t believe it’s wise to expect some miraculous answer from God as to a course of action.  We ought to apply scriptural principles, and in an area where there is clear Biblical command, we ought to abide by these commands, but in all other areas, we ought to simply take what the Lord tells us about His will in Scripture and attempt to apply it as best we can.

Ultimately, however, we need to be willing and able to let it go, because it was never in our control to begin with. What we find through Scripture is that while we labor for our Daily Bread, the Lord is actually the one who provides it.  While we make plans and attempt to order our lives, the Father of Lights is the giver of every good and perfect thing.  We make plans, but the Lord is sovereign, and at the end of the day, we need to recognize that in every one of our actions.

As a more personal example, we’ve picked out a house, and we’re sort of in the middle of signing papers for it.  We’re on the verge of beginning the mortgage and escrow process, and there are some things that I have to wait on.  I’ve done everything in my power to help things go smoothly, and spent almost my entire lunch today going through legal papers, talking to some family, my realtor, and my lender. I’ve set everything in motion that CAN be set in motion. There are things up in the air, and it’s hard for me to let all that go.  I feel as though I should be DOING something, but there’s really nothing I can DO.

It is at times like these where I need to be reminded that the Lord is sovereign.  If someone makes a better offer on the house we’re trying to purchase, and the bank accepts it instead of ours, that’s the Lord’s clear voice.  That’s God revealing His will to us.  We make plans as best we can, but ultimately, the best-laid plans will fall out according to God Who works all things according to His immutable will.

And while this can make us feel helpless, it seems to me that we only feel that way when we lack a proper perspective on God. When we truly understand what the Lord has revealed about Himself in the pages of Scripture, His sovereignty ought to be a comfort to us.  When we screw things up, when we do the wrong thing, we cannot mess up His plans.  He’s not stumped by man.  He accomplishes His will.  Hallelujah!

And Amen!