Not So Famous…

Today, I was able to call in to an Internet radio show that I actually helped to start, GenerationWHY.  Skoubah Steve and Blackdog do a regular show called the Canadian Connection, and today, they had a spontaneous show.  Skoubah invited me to call in, and it was a great bit of fun with those guys this evening!  You can go to that website and download the shows.  Skoubah has assured me that he’s going to put up this evening’s show on the web.

Anyway, it was a lot of fun discussing movies and beer.  :)

Aside from the blatant endorsement on my blog, this is what my bulletin board at work currently looks like:

For the record, that picture next to the Gabetopia sign is of a co-worker, who died 2 years ago today.  His gesture in that picture is indicative of his attitude toward a lot of things, but he was a great guy, and we still miss him.

Embrace Gabetopia!

edit: Immediately after posting this, I noticed a spelling error on the sign.  The editorial staff of Gabetopia has been sacked.  Order has been restored.  The sign has been fixed.

Yup, yesterday Kim grabbed my hand, pressed it to her tummy, and we played the “can you feel that” game.  Have you ever played this game?  It’s riveting.  :)

First, she says, “DID YOU FEEL THAT???”  And when you answer no, she’s sort of incredulous.  No point in reminding her that the baby is still inside her, and thus, she’ll feel things no one else in the world can.  It won’t do you any good.  A couple seconds later, she’ll ask again.  Despite your desire to make up that you can feel something when you can’t, you should be honest, because you will be amazed when you CAN feel it, and she’ll know when you’re lying.  Plus, the only reason she’s grabbing your hand and starting this game is because SHE felt it on the OUTSIDE of her tummy already.  If you lie, she’ll totally know.

Yesterday, I felt my son kick for the first time.  It was pretty cool.  I was also informed that I will be enrolled in a birthing class soon, which is less cool.  I posited that I learned everything about childbirth that I needed to know from Bill Cosby’s Himself routine.  I was quickly informed that what I didn’t know about the childbirth process could fill books the size of the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica.  (I didn’t bother to toss out the fact that the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica can fit on a CD now, which is pretty small.  I figured it would only get me in trouble.  After 5 years, I’ve learned SOMETHING!)  (Note: The entire conversation, apart from the birthing class and my Bill Cosby comment are fictional, and should be completely ignored.)

Anyway, I’ll be sure to let you all know how the birthing class goes.  Given my ability to derail almost anyone with something important to say, I’m sure the results will be comical.  For those who are unaware of my said derailing ability, I give you the following evidence.

First, when I was getting my first glimpse of Iain on the ultrasound, the doctor said,

“Right now, the baby doesn’t look like much.  Looks sort of like a ….”

“Lima Bean,” I said.

“Uh, yeah.  You could call it Lima,” quipped the doctor.

“Or Bean…we haven’t decided yet, really.”  The doctor didn’t laugh, didn’t react except to look at me like I’d said, “What do babies taste like?”  I stopped talking after this.

The other time I derailed was far more intentional.  I was at a friend’s wedding rehearsal.  You know how wedding planners are, and this lady was going through her spiel fast….and I mean FAST.  When she finished, I was rather impressed, and would have been content to say nothing, but then she said,

“Does anyone have any questions?”  Well, of course, I can’t let that pass without some form of moronic comment.

“Yeah, I do.”  Everyone turned to look at me. “Where will the snipers be?  I was thinking that this nice little emplacement over the door would be a perfect spot for an internal sniper, given the perfect view of the entire sanctuary.  And I was thinking I could be placed outside…perhaps on the roof?”  She looked at me as though I had….well….as though I had just suggested sniper emplacements for a wedding.  Luckily, the groom to be came to my defense.

“It’s a good question, really.  Have you given any thought to it?”

Anyway, the birthing class should go well.  I bet I fail.  Good thing I’m not the pregnant one.

A friend of mine created a video for a scholarship, which is interesting.  :)  I especially like the portrayal of Lt. Horation Caine by David.  :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o8AanDl4oQ8

I, and he, would appreciate it if you’d at least go check it out, as part of the grading is based on the YouTube popularity of the video.  It’s only 2 minutes long.

Those of you who know David will not be at all surprised at him campaigning for tea.  :)

One of the blogs I frequent, ggKimmieGal, has a great post up regarding jerks on the road. It reminded me of an incident I witnessed on the way home from Nightwish in Orangevale that I fully intended to post here, but forgot about.

I believe we had just stopped for Rockstars to keep us awake on the way home, and we were on out way back to the freeway when we saw some guy turn left into a parking lot, RIGHT IN FRONT OF A COP. When I say “right in front of a cop”, I mean that the cop had to SLAM on his brakes to avoid hitting the guy, who made his turn right behind someone else, like he didn’t want to wait for oncoming traffic to pass by.

We kinda freaked out, thinking that maybe the cop had actually hit the guy. We pulled forward to the stoplight and kept an eye on the cop. Man, he flipped around really fast, blew through the light to make a u-turn and turn into the driveway in search of the right-of-way offender. The jerk had pulled into a parking space as if to say, “ha ha, you can’t pull me over if I’m parked!” Wrong.

The cop jumped out of his car, hand on his gun and cautiously approached the vehicle while his partner got out of car and stayed behind it, using the car for cover. It was kind of surreal. You can’t be too careful, I guess, but it seemed as though the cops were sure this guy was going to jump out of his car, guns blazing.

People turn like that in front of me all the time, and I don’t mind saying that it was more than a little satisfying to see this guy do it in front of a cop. I’m not going to go vigilante, but I won’t tell you that the thought has not occurred to me with the sheer number of people I see on a regular basis who think the rules just don’t apply to them.

Anyway, it was an interesting, satisfying incident. I’m sad to see that I didn’t get to stay there and watch how the whole thing played out, as my light turned green, and I really needed to get home and sleep. (Us old people can’t stay up like we used to be able to.) But I’m glad I got to witness it.

Since we moved into this new place in October of last year, we have made friends with many of the neighbor’s kitties.  This is a quick photo catalogue of our fuzzy neighbors.  :)

This is Herbert. When we first started moving over here, Herbert was very curious at all the activity.  I saw him and said, “Oh, hello kitty.  I shall call you Herbert!”  And Herbert he remains.

He didn’t initially let us pet him, but he was always lingering around us, watching us.  Once he decided we were decent people, he let us pet him.  He went away for part of the winter.  I think he was hiding in our basement.  Here he is right before running away.  (He does not like Kim’s camera.)

A very handsome cat, to be sure.

This is Spot A.  Kim’s Aunt Brenda named this cat Spot.  And we called it Spot for a long time until we realized something….there were two Spots.  So this one became Spot A.  And this one…

Is Spot B.  Spot A is shorthaired and standoffish.  Spot B is longer-haired and standoffish.  They don’t like us very much.  I wonder if it’s because I shot at one or both of them when they were hiding under our house with my airsoft gun?  Hey, they wouldn’t stop pooping under our house.

This, ladies and gentlemen is Scary Soulless Kitty.  We call it that because of its otherworldly orange eyes.  I’ve never seen eyes like that on a cat.  Scary Soulless Kitty likes the camera…

He also likes to play with sticks, and is very affectionate.  We like to sit on our front porch and throw twigs for him to attack.  He’s also quite fond of our flowerbed sprinklers.

 
“I love me some Chris-petting!”

This is Fuzzy Kitty.  I love Fuzzy Kitty a lot, and he loves me.  Whenever I walk up to my house, if he’s anywhere near, he runs up to me, meowing rapidly.  We’ve never fed him or any of the other kitties, but he definitely enjoys being petted.  After awhile, he’s done being petted, and he walks out of arm’s reach and grooms himself, just content to be hanging around someone.

Kim loves that picture.  She caught him shaking his head, so his ear is all floppy.

 
“Are they looking at me?”

“Ah, who cares?”

Herbert and Fuzzy Kitty are my favorites of our feline neighbors.  They’re both pretty friendly, but I’ve noticed that if I pay a lot of attention to one of them, the other tends to stay away from me for awhile.  I wonder if they’re both males.  I know that Fuzzy Kitty is a male…our neighbor told me so.  His name is apparently Pretty Man to her.  I like Fuzzy Kitty better.  :)

We call this kitty The Impostor because when we were trying to keep the kitties out of the basement, we thought this guy was Fuzzy Kitty.  We boarded up many of the holes through which they were entering and exiting, and he was trapped down there for awhile.  I shot at him with my airsoft, but he just kept running around the basement. 

One day, Kim went out to do some laundry on our screened-in porch, and saw The Impostor on the side of the porch.  This was the first good look we’d gotten at him in the light, and Kim realized that this definitely wasn’t Fuzzy Kitty.  Furthermore, The Impostor was not happy to be trapped with Kim between him and the relative safety of the basement.  She stepped over to the door to the outside, and then backed down the basement stairs a couple steps, clucking to him encouragingly, though she was around the corner, and couldn’t see him.  Suddenly, The Impostor saw his chance, and headed toward the side of the porch where the outside door and the basement steps are.  However, instead of heading to the right towards the outside, he turned left, toward the basement, where Kim stood on our narrow basement steps.  He didn’t even slow down, but leapt at Kim’s face, clawing to get over her and into the cool darkness of the basement.  She wasn’t much of a defensive lineman.  He got over her, and she had scrapes from his claws.  Kim doesn’t much like The Impostor.

The Impostor is a little huskier than Fuzzy Kitty, as you can see, but in the dark, he’s a little harder to distinguish.  I can now easily distinguish between them, since Fuzzy Kitty will usually run toward me, and The Impostor runs away.

Those are most of our neighbor kitties.  The other cat that we’ve only pet once or twice, and definitely doesn’t stick around when Kim gets out her camera is Gimpy Kitty.  Gimpy Kitty is missing most of one of his front paws, so he limps around a lot.  In fact, he doesn’t appear to like standing on his front paw, so often he’ll be sitting upright like a prairie dog.  He’s so cute when he does that.  lol.

Our neighbor kitties are fun.  :)

Do you sit wondering how God still speaks to us these days?  Or was Nietzsche right when he said “God is dead”?  Of course not!  But how do we hear God these days?  We know “print is dead”, so it can’t be the Bible, right?  I mean, how can something with so many “thee’s” and “thou’s” still be relevant in this day of Internet, fast cars, and microprocessors?  What’s more, how are we supposed to fit these “quiet times” our pastors encourage us to have into our busy schedules?

These are all great questions, people, and TheDow Industries cares about the answers.  We have come up with some products that are really going to help you find out the ubiquitous Will of God.  Using our products, you will easily and quickly be able to let God speak to you. Don’t let the book of Revelation end with a period when we all know that God meant to use a comma. (Darn those translation “faux pas”.)

Prophecy-Bits
 
We all know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  Well now it can be even MORE important with all new Prophecy-Bits Cereal!  With Prophecy Bits, you too can see the ever-changing Will of the Lord while still grabbing some grub in the morning. Prophecy-Bits can be part of any spirit-filled Christian’s balanced breakfast.

*** Coming Soon – Prophecy-Bits Red Letter Edition – So you never miss those really important prophecies.

(Prophecy-Bits is not responsible for any profanity that may surface in your morning cereal. By purchasing Prophecy-Bits Cereal, you agree to hold TheDow Industries harmless in the event that your cereal tells you to do anything illegal.)

Theopneu-Stew
 
Need to catch lunch in a hurry? No time to spend hours asking the Lord to speak to you? You don’t need to worry any longer. Theopneu-stew is your source for the up-to-the-minute Word of God. Simple nuke a bowl of Theopneu-stew and see what the Lord has to say to you now. Get answers to life’s REALLY important questions, like who to vote for, how to raise your kids, what church to attend; and get a nutritious lunch at the same time.

Theopneu-stew: God’s Inspired Soup

(TheDow Industries would like to remind our more spiritually-sensitive brethren that spilling scalding Theopneu-stew in your lap is not to be interpreted as the Wrath of God. Please nuke responsibly.)

“God Still Speaks” Ball
 
For those times when you don’t have time to cook a meal to get a quick answer from God, TheDow Industries presents the “God Still Speaks” Ball.  Not like those demonic 8-balls or Ouigi Boards, the answers the “God Still Speaks” Ball gives you are authoritative and godly. No longer feel as though you’re consulting with Satan when you pick up a “harmless” 8-ball for a laugh. Now you can get real, meaningful answers from the “God Still Speaks” Ball. 

How does it work?  Every “God Still Speaks” Ball contains no less than 2 cups of “God Still Speaks” Authentically Blessed Blue Holy Water, with inspired answers floating inside. To get an answer from the Lord, simply turn the “God Still Speaks” Ball so that the Priestly Window faces up and see what the Lord has to say to you today! Some of the answers the “God Still Speaks” Ball will give you:

Pray About It
Smite Something
Cast Out Demons
What Would Jesus Do
Signs God Points to Yes
- and-
Pray Sinner’s Prayer (For those situations when you may have accidentally jeopardized your salvation.)

(TheDow Industries would like to remind our customers that the symbol on the back that looks like an “8″ is actually the Infinity symbol, representing the eternity of the Lord. Some “God Still Speaks” Balls have been reported to leak their Authentically Blessed Blue Holy Water. This water may be used to bless cars, houses, children, babies, computer equipment, or anything else you might use inferior holy water or anointing oils for. If you run out of Authentically Blessed Blue Holy Water, you may send TheDow Industries a check for $89.95 along with a self-addressed, stamped, waterproof box for replacement water.)

PLEASE NOTE: (These products are fictitious.  Please don’t buy them.)

First off, I’d like to say that I’m not against smoking.  If you want to smoke, GO FOR IT!  What I like about this little anti-smoking ad is the presentation of the product.  It makes me laugh.  :)

The Truth – Splode TV Ad

But sometimes, LOLCatz makes me laugh harder than most things I see on the Internet.  These pictures are of the second variety, and I’m hoping that posting them improves my mood.  lol.

This cat knows what life is about.

This was Daniel and I in the hotel room for the Anti-Spyware conference a couple years back.  We brought beer…no opener.  The door hinge worked really well, and my dentist is not so happy about that.  I’m sure he would have loved to have given me another crown.  :)

And one last one because I’m doing more HTML coding than I ever wanted to.

If you’re not a geek, I suppose I could provide an explanation:

When you’re writing HTML code, and want to italicize some text, you use those bracketed pieces of code.  When the browser sees those, it knows that the text in between those tags should be italicized.  And now that I’ve made that picture not as funny by explaining it, I’ll let you get back to your day.  :)