Not So Famous…

PayPal locked my account.  All because I had the audacity to try BUYING SOMETHING WITH IT!!!  Oh heavens to Betsy.

Yeah, that’s right.  I committed the cardinal PayPal sin of buying something with my PayPal account, and for this grievous offense, they locked my account.  I was at the seller’s site, they forwarded me to PayPal to complete the transaction, I logged in using my user name and password and BOOM!  Account Locked.  PayPal follows this awesome occurrence up with an e-mail indicating that they had reason to believe that a third party attempted to access my account.  But don’t worry, using their Resolution Center, I can fix it!!!  Ok, let’s try that.

Step 1: Confirm your entire credit card number. – Ok, this sounds a little like a scam, but I know I typed PayPal.com into my browser correctly.  So I confirm it.

Step 2: Change your password: Fine, whatever.  Anything to get my account unlocked.  Password changed.

Step 3: Give us your home number.  We’ll call you and ask you for the code we just gave you. – Uh, I’m not AT home.  Cell number?  Nope, PayPal is wise to the ways of cell.  They deny me.  Fine.  I call Kim and let her know that PayPal is calling.  PayPal calls, I have Kim enter the number, aaaaand….”You failed phone confirmation.”  What?  Okaaaaay…What now, PayPal?

Unnecessary Step 1 (For those counting, this is Step 4, but now I’m annoyed): We will send you a letter with a code to your address.  You should get it in 5-7 days.  Then come to the website, and we’ll make you enter the code in the letter, and who knows what else.

5-7 DAYS?  Why, PayPal?  All because I bought something???  Well, your punishment for this offense has convinced me of the silliness of my decision.  I shall not make this mistake again.  My steps are on the straight and narrow now.   (What follows is an actual anthropomorphic conversation I had with PayPal using their website and attempting to get my item bought.  Yes, I tried all of the following with PayPal.)

In fact, can you please cancel my account?

“No, you may not close your account because you have limited access to your account.”

So…I can’t cancel it, thereby avoiding any unauthorized charges from a third party?

“No, you may not.”

So someone can still make charges to my account?

“No, you cannot make a payment using PayPal, either.”

Really?  Well, can I use my credit card to make the payment outside of PayPal…NOT using my limited account?

“No, that is forbidden.”

Why?

“I cannot say, except to tell you it is forbidden.”

Well, can I remove my credit card from my PayPal account so I can use it like a normal credit card?

“No, that also is forbidden.”

So, what CAN I do with my useless PayPal account?

“You may receive money with your PayPal account.”

GREAT!  So if the vendor wants to pay ME to purchase the item instead, we are freaking SET!  How helpful, PayPal!  Thank you!

“You are welcome, and thank you for using (or not) PayPal.”

So, yes, I am currently actually UNABLE to purchase the item I wanted to purchase, because the only method of payment whose terms are acceptable to me that the vendor offers is PayPal.  (Using a Credit Card, etc. sets me up with recurring monthly payments, which I do not want.)  Way to go PayPal.

Morons.

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