Aug 25 2008
I felt Iain kick yesterday. :)
Yup, yesterday Kim grabbed my hand, pressed it to her tummy, and we played the “can you feel that” game. Have you ever played this game? It’s riveting. :)
First, she says, “DID YOU FEEL THAT???” And when you answer no, she’s sort of incredulous. No point in reminding her that the baby is still inside her, and thus, she’ll feel things no one else in the world can. It won’t do you any good. A couple seconds later, she’ll ask again. Despite your desire to make up that you can feel something when you can’t, you should be honest, because you will be amazed when you CAN feel it, and she’ll know when you’re lying. Plus, the only reason she’s grabbing your hand and starting this game is because SHE felt it on the OUTSIDE of her tummy already. If you lie, she’ll totally know.
Yesterday, I felt my son kick for the first time. It was pretty cool. I was also informed that I will be enrolled in a birthing class soon, which is less cool. I posited that I learned everything about childbirth that I needed to know from Bill Cosby’s Himself routine. I was quickly informed that what I didn’t know about the childbirth process could fill books the size of the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica. (I didn’t bother to toss out the fact that the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica can fit on a CD now, which is pretty small. I figured it would only get me in trouble. After 5 years, I’ve learned SOMETHING!) (Note: The entire conversation, apart from the birthing class and my Bill Cosby comment are fictional, and should be completely ignored.)
Anyway, I’ll be sure to let you all know how the birthing class goes. Given my ability to derail almost anyone with something important to say, I’m sure the results will be comical. For those who are unaware of my said derailing ability, I give you the following evidence.
First, when I was getting my first glimpse of Iain on the ultrasound, the doctor said,
“Right now, the baby doesn’t look like much. Looks sort of like a ….”
“Lima Bean,” I said.
“Uh, yeah. You could call it Lima,” quipped the doctor.
“Or Bean…we haven’t decided yet, really.” The doctor didn’t laugh, didn’t react except to look at me like I’d said, “What do babies taste like?” I stopped talking after this.
The other time I derailed was far more intentional. I was at a friend’s wedding rehearsal. You know how wedding planners are, and this lady was going through her spiel fast….and I mean FAST. When she finished, I was rather impressed, and would have been content to say nothing, but then she said,
“Does anyone have any questions?” Well, of course, I can’t let that pass without some form of moronic comment.
“Yeah, I do.” Everyone turned to look at me. “Where will the snipers be? I was thinking that this nice little emplacement over the door would be a perfect spot for an internal sniper, given the perfect view of the entire sanctuary. And I was thinking I could be placed outside…perhaps on the roof?” She looked at me as though I had….well….as though I had just suggested sniper emplacements for a wedding. Luckily, the groom to be came to my defense.
“It’s a good question, really. Have you given any thought to it?”
Anyway, the birthing class should go well. I bet I fail. Good thing I’m not the pregnant one.
