Jul 25 2006
I am not _________ enough…
I’m not posting this because I’m depressed, because I’m not. I’m not posting it because I feel my marriage is in trouble, because it’s not. Sure, the summer gets me down…and more so when the weather is as crappy-hot as it is, but that’s not why I type this. I just feel like typing.
My title explains how I feel much of the time right now. Lately, it seems as though Kim and I have been snapping at each other. I’m sure some of it is the heat, but I look inward, and I can see that most of it is me. She may say something that didn’t make me feel great, sure. We all do this. However, it is how I react to it that defines how the conversation will go.
I am not patient enough… She deserves more patience from me. She doesn’t deserve to feel like she has to walk on eggshells all the time. We’ve both been around people like that, and neither of us want that the rest of our lives.
Why am I not patient enough? There could be a lot of reasons, but there is one that sticks out in my mind. Perfect love is patient, and we cannot love perfectly. But we can love more patiently if we are earnest in knowing God, and we are only earnest in knowing God when we are diligent in reading His word.ÂÂ
I am not diligent, dedicated, or holy enough…
Sure, I’ll get better. Sure, there are people that are far worse than myself. Does any of that matter? Kim is the love of my life. She is the only woman for me, and the only woman I ever want. If I can say that in all seriousness, how can I say that me not working harder to be more patient, more diligent, more dedicated, or more holy is ok? How can I be fine with that? How can I compare myself to anyone else, when it comes to a woman who is incomparably beautiful, wonderful, and lovely? I need to be better than I am now. I need to be more. I’ll never be good enough for her…but she loves me. I cannot change anything other than my attitude, and it needs to be better…with the Lord as my strength, it CAN be better.
This is where the work comes in, kiddies. This is where marriage gets more difficult. This is what it means to work at keeping the marriage fresh, and a joy to be in.
Heavenly Father, please help me. On my own power, I can only be as I am. However, Lord, I know what Your plan is for marriage. Father God, please help me to be more patient…please help me to be more diligent in reading Your Word. Please help me to be the husband you want me to be. Help me to lead my wife in a loving manner…to esteem her happiness and her love more than my own…to deny myself for her. Help me to love her as I ought. Amen.
on
I know where you are and I know how you’re feeling. It WILL get better and I can say that because I know the kind of person you are. You are acknowledging something isn’t quite right and you are making efforts to change it. It’s what I call “growing pains” in marriage. Everyone has different ones but somehow they are all similar… If that makes any sense. Marriage is work, so much more work than I could have ever anticipated… but the rewards have been more than I could ever dream of. Keep your head up, take each day at a time and don’t be afraid to share your feelings with your wife. You might be surprised at how she feels as well. (Constructively in a non confrontational manner of course!) LOL