May 15 2006
I feel like writing…
However, you must forgive me…I’m currently typing on a very unfamiliar keyboard, and it’s really messing me up. :)
If you look at my wife and I in a vacuum, things aren’t going too badly. Kimmy is having a hard time finding a job, and it’s taking its toll, but if you compare our situation to our situation last year at this time, we are in an infinitely better position. I’m sure I could quantify it for you if pressed, but I’d rather not talk about numbers just now. Better job, better-looking future, I’m happier, whatever that means. I think Kim is happy, though frustrated. But overall, things are looking better. (I miss my old co-workers a lot, but I still get to talk with them as time permits.) :)
What I mean to say here is that things could be worse…though that’s not entirely a true statement. Things can only be as bad as God wants them to be and no worse. Things are as they are right now for us because of how God wants our lives to be right now. This is all a bit strange to think about, I know. However, if God is sovereign, then we must accept that He could change things in the blink of an eye for us, if He wanted to. Because He does not, then we must assume that things are as they are because He is content to leave them so.
However, a couple of my friends are having rough times, and I would like anyone who is reading these blogs to pray for them. I’ll not mention any names, as names need not be mentioned. I’ve spoken of some of these problems before…I’m sure I’ll write about them again. One of my friends is having marital problems. Those of you who know me, know that my parents divorced when I was young. I don’t know if it was one of those defining moments that everyone talks about, but I know that to a degree, it defined me. However, my experience as the child of a divorced couple does not give me any insight into what it’s like to go through marital problems myself. I know that my marriage is wonderful, and I’m sure that I could work harder at it. We all could work harder at things. But while I’m sure I’m not the greatest husband in the world, I do try. And so does Kimmy. All that to say that I can’t do anything for this friend aside from listen and offer him a place to come hang out, and offer him friendship…I suppose that’s all I’m supposed to offer, though I feel I should do more. That’s neither here nor there.
Another friend of mine has chronic knee problems. They have lost him his original job, and he sits in a job now that he doesn’t like at all. I don’t know what this is like either. Not only does he not like his job, but his knee is still racking him sometimes, and that’s gotta suck. Not only can he not do what he originally wanted to do at his company, but the pain that lost that for him is still with him. All he can do is take pain meds and hope he doesn’t get addicted to something. Apparently, the doctors can’t figure out a way to make anything better. While I know what it’s like to not like your job, I still can’t say I know what he’s going through.
However, is that what people want? Do they want to be understood? I used to think so. I used to think that I should go into Psychology because I understood people. I used to think that this is what people wanted to go to therapy for…that this is what they wanted from their shrink. I don’t know what they want, but I don’t think that people want to be understood. So what do you do when a friend comes to you and tells you that they are going through something that sucks? Do they want you to tell them, “I know what you’re going through, man”? I don’t think so…at least, I don’t think that’s what guys want. I think they just want to tell someone something. I think they just want to unload what they’re feeling on someone safe…someone who isn’t going to fire them or retaliate in a way that will hurt them. If they’re going to expose their innermost thoughts, they might as well expose them to someone they can trust. Someone they know is not storing up ammunition for a counterattack at some point in the near future.
My friends who are going through problems, I’m sorry you’re going through problems. I’ve said before that I can’t say that I know what you’re going through, because I don’t. I have some insight into what it must be like because of what you’ve told me, but I can’t empathize with you. However, I know you’re going through pain. Spiritual, physical, emotional pain. And I have gone through all of these types of pain. For different reasons and varying degrees, of course, but I have felt my own pain. I know that pain hurts, and it sucks. My heart weeps for what you’re going through. Not because I fully understand it, but because I know that it’s causing you pain, and that, I understand.
I guess at some low-level, visceral wavelength, we do want to be understood. If all we want is our friends to put an arm around us and say, “Man, that sucks”, then I think we DO need them to understand that at its most basic level, there is pain involved. Whether that’s getting kicked in the t’s, having a broken knee, or having our one true love ripped from us, there’s pain involved, and if there’s one thing the entire human race has in common, it’s some kind of pain. I may not feel YOUR pain, but I understand that you’re feeling pain, and that sucks, mates. It sucks. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know….and I’m not saying that in the “I want to be away from these people” kind of way in which people speak at funerals. I mean that in the “man, I hope they can think of some way for me to be useful or helpful to them, and I DO hope they let me know” kind of way.
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