Not So Famous…

A whipping whirlwind is my life.
My calm center is my love, my Kim…
She stands when all else around me falls.

When things move so fast they blur,
My only focus on this earth is her, my one true love…friend…m’annsachd
I turn to her, for I cannot walk this path alone…I need her strength…her love.

She is my wife, and I love her more than life itself.

This entire week has been one of sleeplessness. I could attribute it to a lot of things: The weather change, the job change, whatever. The point is that tonight, I am unable to sleep again.

The new job is going well thus far.  No major points of stress.  I didn’t come home afraid for my job, or wondering if I’ll survive. I’ve learned a great deal about the network, and know I’ll learn much more. The real work comes later, and there is some nervousness, as I wonder if I will live up to their expectations of me. I think I will, with God’s grace.

I think tonight, I have not had much time to unwind. At work, I was presented with new thing after new thing. Sign this, read this, look at this, think about this, do this, plan for this…it’s all a bit overwhelming, if I’m being honest. Did I think it would be otherwise? Not really…I expected it.  When I got home, however, I ate, looked at paperwork, and then Bible Study started.

The Word of God should be a balm, shouldn’t it? I mean, I know that the perfection that is the Lord should point me to my own inadequacies, but His choice to extend grace to me is a balm…sure, I’m not perfect, but I’m no less perfect than I was yesterday.  The Word shows me how little I know, and tells me I should know more about the God I serve…and yet, I don’t think I can point to the Word and say “this causes my sleeplessness.”

I think the loss of my comfort zone is the culprit this evening. At my old job, there were stresses…there were hardships to be endured. But I knew my place…I knew my co-workers. The known was everywhere, the unknown was relatively minor. Still, what was tough was known as well. I knew what to expect when I walked into the office.  When I walked into the offie today, no one knew what to expect.  They didn’t know what to expect of me, and I didn’t know what to expect of them.  Everyone was very cool to me, which was great. I think I’m going to like working with these people.  They love to joke around, and they’re very laid back.  But I don’t know them yet, and they don’t know me.  Their humor is much the same as mine, but they don’t know that yet, because I can’t bring myself to be completely open with them.

My old co-workers are my friends, and I miss them.  I could tell them what I was thinking or feeling, and I knew how they’d react. I could tell them what was bothering me, and I knew they’d understand.

I’m ok though.  Today has just been a whirlwind. What I want more than anything else right now is to hug my wife and have her tell me that I’m doing fine.  I really want her comforting embrace around me.  I need her to tell her she loves me…it’s not that I don’t know these things, but she’s good at saying them.  :)  “No man is an island”, I quip ironically. Especially me.

Tomorrow is the first D&D game with my new group. I’m looking forward to it, but I must admit that it’s another new thing. I won’t get to see my wife much until later.  Thursday will be nice and quiet, I hope.  I just want to hang with Kim and share my day.  To feel her arms around me again, and to offer whatever comforts I can give her.  :)

Well, I think I’m going to go back to bed for a little while and see if I can’t get some sleep.  I feel a little better now.  Thank you for reading. :)