Not So Famous…

That’s what I told myself when I started typing out this entry.  I tried to talk about what was going on in my life…I tried to talk about whether or not I was still down like I said in a previous entry.  I didn’t like any of what I wrote.  It was boring…unoriginal.  Sure, I know that “there is nothing new under the sun”, as wise Solomon penned in Ecclesiastes.  But while the words are not new, and my feelings are not new, perhaps I labor under the delusion that my thoughts being put into words by me should have some originality to it.  Am I wrong?  Don’t tell me…your answer will be unoriginal.  :)

Since my own words desert me, I thought I’d toss something out there that has spoken to me in the last few days.  It’s lyrics to a song from a band called Symphony X.

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Awakenings - by Symphony X
“Needless to say, another day has passed away
Yet everything, and nothing, has changed
Awake I lie, my thoughts get lost up in the sky
Needless to say, nothing will change…

Maybe a mystic - with fortunes to tell…
Surrender my coin at the old wishing well…
Maybe the stars will light in the night,
To show me the path that is right.

‘Would’ve been’s and ‘could’ve been’s
they waste my days away
the colors of my life dissolve and fade to gray

So many paths of promise
Indecision poisons my mind
If only I had seen the signs - so blind

Yet I must journey on - on and on

A haunting vision torments me
It smothers and steals my dreams
I see an old man in the mirror
cold and bitter staring back at me

Here I am - at the crossing of life I stand
On my own - looking down the road
Hear my cry - answer me
Still I’m searching yet the truth is unknown - though the night is cold
I walk the road alone.”
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(Insert the sound of Chris deleting his closing paragraph 9 times.)

I do not feel alone…but parts of this song have spoken to me. Not necessarily about my life…but about life. I am not alone.  I love my wife, and I love my friends. I love my Lord and God. And yet, there are times when I retreat so far into the depths of my conscious mind as to be functionally alone. I do this to think, I think. Maybe I do it to protect myself from too much reality. I’m sure there are psychologists who would say my escapism is a problem. I say their lack of escapism is a problem. I’ve survived thus far, haven’t I? This is what I write when I do not know what to write.

I believe your subjective experience is an objective reality.

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