Not So Famous…

The title is what I feel like screaming to the world at this moment. Not that any one person is causing me a lot of grief….not even that a LOT of people are causing me grief. This is just one of the times in my life where there are a lot of different things going on all at the same time, and all of them drawing me in a different direction.

Everything in my personal life is going great, for the most part. My marriage is good, my job keeps me busy, and my friends and us like to have a lot of fun together when we actually get the chance to see one another. Personally, I’d have to say things have never been better. Kim and I are still communicating well…still learning things about one another that we didn’t know, or hadn’t thought about. She’s now playing a Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game with me and a bunch of us that used to play Hackmaster. It’s called World of Warcraft, and it really is a phenomenal game. It’s the first game I’ve ever seen Kim WANT to play, so it really is a novel experience. :) Everything really is going well with me.

However, recently, I have been…well…I don’t want to say “dragged in” because it sounds like I resent my involvement, and I DO NOT. I don’t want to say “I’ve gotten involved” because then it sounds like I can’t keep my nose out of other people’s business, and that’s not it either. I have become involved in some situations with which I have no experience. I’m not the wisest guy on the face of the planet. I don’t know everything. In fact, I am keenly aware that there is plenty of stuff out there I have no clue about.

In the first situation, a friend of mine is having marriage troubles. This is definitely a new experience. Many of my friends have been married less than 5 years, so marriage troubles with my peers are not something I’ve had to deal with. Furthermore, I don’t know that I can help the person who has come to me. I don’t know that I’m going to have much to offer him other than someone to listen if he needs it. I realize that this is all some people want…something you should understand, gentle reader, is that I am a guy. Guys inherently want to fix things. It makes me very well-suited to my job as an Information Technology professional. Someone comes to me with a problem with their computer, and I figure they want me to fix it….simple. (I have learned in my marriage that this is not the case when Kim comes to me with a problem, but that’s neither here nor there.) So I realize I can’t fix this person’s problems. All I can do is be there for them if they ever want to talk about the problems facing them. I have no advice to offer necessarily, and in any case, I can offer them no reason why they should listen to my non-experienced butt.

My parents had marriage troubles…in fact, after 13 years of marriage, they called it quits and divorced. This pretty much jacked up my life and the life of my sister, but that also is not the point. I had little faith in love after my parents split, and I know how I felt as a child of divorced parents. However, I have no clue how I’d feel if Kim and my marriage became rocky. I count on her for…well…everything, really. I don’t think this is a problem, either, because God instituted marriage knowing that Adam needed an “help meet” for him. God knew that it was “not good that man should be alone.” I would be worthless without Kim. I could continue working, eating, playing video games, but she means everything to me, and I don’t know that I would WANT to continue without her. How, then, can I offer my friend any help? I can’t really. I have to accept that.

Another of my friends is also having marriage problems. Now, this other friend is 10 years older than myself, so he’s not technically a peer. This is a much different system than the first one, though the topics are similar. In this situation, I DO have advice. I DO feel I know what the people involved should do, but my suggestions will not be pleasant to either party, and really, this other person has not ASKED me what I feel they should do, so I have no business interjecting my opinions, however well-founded. Now, I’m really oversimplifying things in this case. It’s not as simple as “You do A, you do B, and everything will work out just fine.” There are complexities that I’m not about to get into here, of course. Each problem that I identify in the situation is actually linked to a deeper, more difficult problem until you get to the core issues. These core issues are so ingrained into the people involved that it will take a LOT of work to get through them, and the crap of it is that at least one of the parties involved does not see that they need to change anything. Very difficult indeed.

In order to come up with good advice, I’ve asked myself, “What would I do in that situation?” The answer? Well, first off, I don’t think I’m ever going to find myself in the situations I’ve not described very well above. :) Really, all problems can be linked to initial screw-ups or core problems. Contrary to the belief of people who do not use their brains, major problems generally do not appear. Now, it’s possible that someone takes a blow to the head and goes completely nuts, but apart from a brick to the cranium, people do not change in the blink of an eye. People’s choices lead to situations where people must again make choices, and so on and so forth. Eventually, people can get themselves into situations where a GOOD choice is not possible. Instead, people end up picking the lesser evil from an array of other evils.

So to avoid these situations, good decisions must be made from the get-go…or at least, analysis of each decision made should lead to an about-face before it becomes to late to do so. This is something that Kim and I are very good at doing. Nipping problems in the bud before they become bigger problems is the obviously preferred method. However, all of that does not help my friends in their situations. What would I do if I found myself in their shoes? I have no clue, really. I don’t believe that it is given to us the capacity to deal with that which we have not been equipped to deal. Sounds like a simple thing to say, really, but it’s really quite profound.

When I was growing up, I had a less-than-stellar childhood. I’m not going to lie here…it could have been worse. Those of you who know me know the problems I had. Plenty of people have it worse than I did, of course. However, plenty of people had it better, and can’t imagine putting their children through the crap I had to deal with. I managed to escape my childhood with my general sanity intact, though some may dispute that. I’ve got my problems even yet, but overall, I survived well. My friends all asked me how the heck I could find it within me to deal with the crap I had to deal with. I don’t know…I just did. They all told me that if they were in my situation, they would crack and blow up or whatever. They all determined that they wouldn’t have been able to make it. Possibly they wouldn’t…I don’t know. I do know that some of my friends have gone through things that I don’t know that I would have been able to handle. What it comes down to is that I believe that God equips each of us to handle the situations in which He, in his infinite wisdom, purposes to put us. Conversely, He does NOT equip us to handle situations we are not to deal with. Pretty simple, really. C.S. Lewis in the Chronicles of Narnia touches upon this with regards to knowledge of others’ futures and situations when Lucy Pevensie asks Aslan what would have happened if thus and such had not happened. Aslan is the allegorical Jesus in his Chronicles, and Aslan’s answer is very much akin to what Jesus might have said if He had been asked this:

“You mean,” said Lucy rather faintly, “that it would have turned out all right-somehow? But how? Please, Aslan! Am I not to know?”

“To know what would have happened, child?” said Aslan. “No. Nobody is ever told that…But anyone can find out what will happen.”

So how would I have dealt with the situations in which my friends find themselves? I will never know this. We can find out what will happen…and to some degree, by using wisdom, we can can influence what will happen. I will pray for my friends, of course, and I ask that you do the same. Also, pray for me. If they ask me what I think they should do in their situations, I need to make sure I have the Lord’s wisdom to give them, and not my own.

Having said all that, I am involved in these situations, so therefore, I can handle these situations. For while I do not believe that God equips people to handle situations they will not be dealing with, I believe that He does equip us to deal with situations with which we will be confronted.

“Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost. As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be world without end. Amen. Amen.”