Not So Famous…

Alright, I think this is the most important rant I’ve ever written. I just spoke with someone whom I work with, and though this rant is coming directly out of a conversation I had with this person, (we’ll call him Steve) this conversation is a rather frequent one in my office.

As many of you know, I am getting married next year. And I am looking forward to it. This is a concept foreign to many people. People I work with look at me and laugh at my anticipation of this happy event. They say things like, “We’ll see how you feel in 20 years.” Or, the great one, “yeah, that’s how I felt before my first marriage.” Why I even bother to listen to someone who’s been married 3 or 4 times talk about marriage, I’ll never know.

But Steve has been saying things recently that are getting me rather irate. (That’s “angry” for those of you who attended public schools.) His favorite phrase is, “You never know.” Isn’t that the whole point of the freakin’ dating phase???? You date a person to get to know them. The problem is, that’s no longer the point of dating. Dating used to mean you went to dinner with the girl’s parents. You went out with friends and talked…a lot. You brought her to meet your family. You did things that helped you to get to know the other person in all types of situations. You learn how she treats her family. You learn how he jokes around with his friends. You learn who the other person is by observing him or her in all of their natural environments. You stay with her long enough to have hard times. (How people behave in hard times is usually nowhere near how they behave in easy times.) Learn what happens when crisis hits his family. How does he react? Yes, this all seems rather clinical. In the midst of this observation, you have fun. It’s sort of a given, but you need to really know the person you plan on marrying. This is the difference between me and these guys at my work. That’s only one reason I know they have no clue as to what they’re talking about.

Another reason is that I have one thing they do not…no matter how much they’ll assert that they do. My deeply held religious beliefs have instilled in me a proper understanding of the permanency of marriage. Steve talks to me, and I tell him that my commitment to God precludes divorce. (Meaning, because I love the Lord and He is my all, I submit myself to his rules, and “’till death do us part” really takes on meaning.) He says, “We were the same way.” And then I stop and think that during his first marriage, he owned an adult entertainment business, where for a cost, they provided strippers for parties, etc. (Steve himself stripped quite often, to hear him tell it.) Look at those deeply held religious beliefs. (That was laced with a liberal amount of sarcasm, by the way.) Even when I discussed this aspect of my problem with a self-proclaimed non-Christian, he said, “Well, they’re not Christians…no matter how much they say they are.” They tell me stories of getting drunk and fornicating with women, and in the next breath say that they feel they are Christians.

Let me tell you something. A Christian is someone who gives glory to God. No, not all the time, but someone who habitually does the types of things they do can not be called a Christian. James 2:18 - “Show me your faith without works, and I’ll show you my faith by my works.” (Emphasis mine.) Faith without works is dead, said James, the author of the book of James. And it’s true. You are not saved by your works, but you can show your faith by your works. And these people have no faith. It is dead. So for them to tell me that they were the same way is really starting to tick me off. And I resent the implications they are asserting about Kim.

Steve always tells me, “You may know about yourself, but you can never know about another person.” Well, I disagree. And I am really starting to get mad at him for saying it. He is implying that the woman I love and have dated in a Christian manner for 4 years (no sex blinding us) is going to walk out on me for another man. When I tell him what I feel about this, he shakes his head and says, “so young.” Never mind the fact that in my 24 years of life I have garnered more wisdom than he can hope to gain in ten lifetimes. Never mind the fact that every situation is different, especially ours. And never mind the fact that there are people who have been married for 30, 40, 50, 60, and I even heard of a couple that had been married for 75 years today!

That’s another aspect of what is making me very angry! There are people that have made it a long time…explain that. Not every relationship is destined for divorce. There are things you can do to ensure the permanency of marriage! Get to know your fiancée in all situations before getting married. This requires a proper amount of time! 6 months is not nearly enough. As hard as it has been, I would suggest that in some cases, 2 years is not enough. When I was younger, I dated a girl for 2 ½ years, and had I married her after 2 years, I would have been a very miserable man right now. There’s something to be said for taking the time to do a relationship right. Another thing that is important is to not have sex before marriage. I know, I know…a very unpopular notion right now, but if we were to place sex back where it should be, only in the covenant of marriage, then sex would be something special again. It will be special for Kim and I, because we’re waiting until marriage. Because it’s nothing special to those people who have sex with whoever they want, it’s really not a big deal when they screw around on their husband/wife. And then the husband/wife has the nerve to be surprised and hurt. This is a stupid, self-destructive practice that should stop!

Finally, I’ll just say that I’m pretty darn sick of people coming in here and telling me my upcoming marriage will fail. I’m not going to take relationship advice from someone who’s been married 3 times. If they haven’t been able to get it by now, they won’t. And I’m not going to listen to them, because if they had it to do all over again, they’d make all the same mistakes. Because they don’t know what the mistakes are.

Oh yeah, one more thing, and this is going to offend someone. If you don’t attend church and/or read your Bible regularly, and try to live every day seeking ways in which you can give glory to God…DON’T CALL YOURSELF A CHRISTIAN!!! You aren’t. And you are making things more difficult for those of us who are. We try to explain to someone what Christianity is about and then we have to answer for to actions of people like you who “acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle.” (D.C. Talk on the album, Jesus Freak.) Furthermore, you are not a Christian just because you are an American. As an American, you are certainly free to not be a Christian. So please, unless you live as I describe above, don’t tell anyone you are a Christian. Or perhaps try actually behaving in a manner that gives glory to God. Then you can be a light shining in the darkness to an unbelieving world.